George on Crusade Meets Sultan Ali Salad

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George was on crusade with some of his tame monsters, but he was authorised by King Freddie to deal diplomatically with Sultan Ali Salad in Jerusalem. Two English spies, Dick Bond and Jim Barton, whom George called Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, had been sent to help George, but he knew one, Jim Barton, had been captured by the Sultan’s men when he fell off a camel. After leaving his monsters behind, George was led inside the city and to a palace that was so opulent that it made Freddie’s castle seem like a cow shed. There, sitting on brightly coloured silk cushions surrounded by finely-dressed servants, was the magnificent ruling Sultan, Ali Salad.

‘Your armour’s not as shiny as the last chap’s who came from England,’ said Ali Salad. ‘No, on three and six a week I can’t afford anything better,’ George replied. ‘You’re paid as much as that, are you?’ said the Sultan, pulling sultantoto on his beard, ‘I was hoping I might be able to bribe you to save the city.’
‘To save the city from what?’ asked our startled hero.
‘From you and your monsters.’
‘No, you don’t understand,’ said George, ‘I’ve come to help you.’

He explained that he had brought the Sultan a few battle-trained monsters so that the balance of power would be restored and these silly wars could be brought to an end. Then he handed Ali Salad a scroll signed by Prime Minister Merlin and King Freddie confirming that the monsters were a gift from the King.
‘What can I give your king in return?’ asked Salad.
‘Well, he usually asks for a pair of bifocal spectacles,’ replied George, ‘but if you’ve none of those, we’ll settle for the city to be open to tourists; we’ve a lot of people who would like to come here.’
‘Yes,’ said the Sultan, ‘with the balance of power restored we have nothing to fear from your holidaymakers. Let them come to enjoy our arak and camel’s milk.’ Then he added, ‘I feel I am still in his Imperial Majesty’s debt; is there anything else I can give you?’

Then George remembered poor Tweedle Dee, ‘You have one of my countrymen, Jim Barton, held captive,’ he said, ‘I would ask you to release him. We guarantee to escort him back to England and prevent him from any further involvement in your country.’
‘Ah yes, the man who fell off the camel,’ said the Sultan with a wide smile, ‘but wouldn’t you also like me to release his comrade?’
‘Oh no, not Dick Bond as well,’ exclaimed George. ‘What did he do?’
‘Picked up his sheep’s eye in his left hand I’m afraid.’
‘Well, you can see that they don’t pose much danger,’ said George, ‘so please let me take them both home with me.’
‘Now we are friends not enemies, all things are possible,’ said Ali Salad, giving instructions to a minion to hurry to the dungeon to unchain the captives.

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